Season 1[]
Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand[]
| “ | Gandhi, this year's going to be different. I'm taller, I've got slightly bigger sideburns. | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | Luckily the extra height doesn't feel that awkward. [hits his head on a treebranch and falls over] I'm up! |
„ |
| - Abe |
| “ | Well, brand new year, same old faces. | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | I wanna date Cleopatra. She's attractive, smart, athletic, good-looking, she's hot, photogenic, she takes pride in her appearance. I guess what I'm trying to say is ... I admire her commitment to community service. | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | Abe: Gandhi's right. This isn't about who we hang out with. This is about not having to put your hand on your own buttock and pretend it's a woman's breast. All I'm saying is a girl is interested in me, and I'm not going to ignore it! Joan: Abe I want you. Abe: You want me to what? Joan: Um, uh, ... Abe: Forgot what we were talking about. Happens to me all the time. [Gandhi gives Abe a sarcastic look] Abe: What? |
„ |
| - Abe and Joan |
Episode Two: Election Blu-Galoo[]
| “ | You know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on. But there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot that hurts the second most and that's from you backstabbing me. So, maybe instead of the nail metaphor, I should have used a stabbing metaphor but it's too late for that now, isn't it? | „ |
| - Abe |
A.D.D.: The Last D is for Disorder[]
| “ | A.D.D. is not infectious. What IS infectious is ignorance. If everyone keeps treating Gandhi like a contagious freak, then this isn't an Awareness Fair, ... it's an Awareness Unfair. | „ |
| - Abe |
Film Fest: Tears of a Clone[]
| “ | You're such an honest and true friend. Yeah, even closer than a sister. So close that we could sleep in the same bed and never touch or kiss. | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | This is a sign, Joan. If you don't express yourself, you'll just keep saying 'fine' when someone asks you how you are. And then one day, someone will say 'how are you, Joan?' and you know what your answer will be? ... There won't be one ... Because you'll be dead. | „ |
| - Abe |
Sleep of Faith: La Ru D'Awakening[]
| “ | I'll sleep when I die! | „ |
| - Abe |
A Room of One's Clone: The Pie of the Storm[]
| “ | You know how I feel about conflict. I'm against it. | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | Now, I love you both. One, in a completely platonic way and the other with a fiery passion that most people know but once in a lifetime. By the way, that one's not you, Joan. It's Cleo. | „ |
| “ | I have the DNA of Abraham Lincoln. Resolving disputes is in my nature. Now, why don't we all take a deep breath? | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | Joan in the north and Cleo in the south, hear me when I say, 'a bedroom divided against itself can not stand'. | „ |
Raisin the Stakes: A Rock Opera in Three Acts[]
| “ | Cleo and I have been dating for two weeks now. If I don't follow her to JFK's van, she might hook up with someone else. It's called trust, Joan. | „ |
| - Abe |
| “ | Abe's Foster Mom: Abe, where have you been? Abe: The library, I mean the ... GET OFF MY BACK!!! Abe's Foster Dad: Your mother found these in your pants, Smokey. Abe: Those weren't for smoking. They're just a project for school. They were Gandhi's! I was holding them for him! I've never seen those before in my life! You're the one holding raisins. I should be asking where YOU got them! What are raisins? FROM YOU, OKAY!? I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!! |
„ |
| - Abe and his foster parents |
Litter Kills: Litterally[]
| “ | I'm sorry about how I've been acting. I don't really know what to say so I'm just gunna hug you and hold you for a really long time. | „ |
| - Abe |
Makeover Makeover Makeover: the Makeover Episode[]
| “ | Joan: I don't need some guy in rented pants taking me to a dance. Abe: DAAAAAANCE!? Joan, you know the expression "Prom is the single most important moment in your life?" Joan: No. Abe: Well, now you DO! You wanna be president? Well, you'd better go to prom because all of them did! Plus, prom is where everyone goes up a base, sex wise. |
„ |
| - Abe and Joan |
| “ | Joan, would you make me the happiest guy on earth and accompany me to ... the mirror so I can give you a makeover so some other guy will go to prom with you? | „ |
| - Abe |
Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale[]
| “ | But, Joan I love ... J-Cl | „ |
| - Abe |