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Relationships[]

Harriet Tubman[]

Harriet and Confucius Kiss

Confucius and Harriet were friends for a while, though he ended up developing a crush on her at some point. However, due to his insecurities causing him to fear that she wouldn’t think he was good enough to be her boyfriend, he created a fake online account called @definitelyahotguy69 that he used to talk with and flirt with her online, unintentionally catfishing her as a result.

In "Spring Broken", Harriet realized the truth and lamented that her secret admirer was a lie that she was dumb enough to fall for, a guilty Confucius cheers her up by listing all the wonderful things she posts on her social feed that she still has to live for, which caused Harriet to realize that he was @definitelyahotguy69 and develops feelings for him as well. Weeks later, in "Sexy-Ed", after Harriet asked for a meet up IRL (in real life), Confucius tried and failed to woo her with an elaborate reveal ceremony, which had her reassure him that she knew his true identity for a while and still wants to go out with him, leading to the two officially becoming a couple.

They briefly broke up in "Clone Alone", when Harriet thought that Confucius wasn't serious about becoming successful, but she eventually realized that she was crushing Confucius' dreams of going in a different direction in life than she wanted to go and got back together with him again.

Harriet Loves Confucius' Abs

In "Blinded With Pseudoscience: Magnetic Distractions", Harriet cheated on Confucius with Toussaint Louverture and kept it a secret from him until accidentally confessing it in "Bible Humpers: A Much Needed Praycation". When Confucius heard about this, he was very hurt and learned from Harriet that she found Toussaint attractive for being "manly". In "The Principal Principle: Sub Zero to Sub Hero", Confucius worked toward making himself more manly and failed to win her affection. However, Confucius also decided that he shouldn't be trying to change who he was to impress a girl who cheats on him and he broke up with her.

JFK[]

JFK and Confucius Cry Together

Confucius became JFK's first male friend in "Sleepover", when he invited him over to his house for a sleepover and introduced him to the wonders of the internet, specifically FlipFlop. Confucius stayed by JFK's side and helped him to win a flame war against Topher Bus and helped make JFK feel validated by telling him that all the mean stuff Topher said about him online was completely untrue.

Abe Lincoln[]

Abe and Confucius at the Thinking Docks

Confucius was quick to form a friendship with Abe, after the latter's defrosting in "Let's Try This Again". In said episode, Confucius sat with Abe on the Thinking Docks and gave him some bad advice on how to get himself un-cancelled, suggesting he make an apology video on FlipFlop.

In "Sleepover", Abe and Confucius had a "rock fight" together, where they played a game, where they threw rocks at each other and hit each other in the genitals.

Joan of Arc[]

Joanfucius Kiss

In "Money Can Buy Me Love: Stupid Is as Cupid Does", Confucius and Joan pretended to be a couple as a quid pro quo. Confucius wanted to make his ex-girlfriend, Harriet jealous, by being happier with someone else in front of her, while Joan dated him so that she could get his money to pay to go to a Wes Anderson Film Festival. However, during their time pretending to be in love with each other, they ended up actually falling in love with each other.

Joan and Confucius spent most of their time in "Go Yell It on the Mountain: Snow Way Out", keeping their relationship a secret from Harriet, since she and Confucius hadn't technically broken up yet. Eventually, Joan and Confucius came clean to Harriet about the fact that they were dating now, which really pissed Harriet off. However, Cleo told Harriet that she needed to let this go because she had already dumped Confucius before and cheated on him (and cheated with Joan's boyfriend) in the past, so she just needs to accept that Confucius has moved on.

In "The Cloniest Place on Earth: Missile While You Work", Confucius was paranoid that he was losing Joan to Abe. His suspicious were later confirmed to be true as Joan went to confess her true feelings for Abe just as he started approaching. This cliffhanger ended Season 3.

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