| “ | Ey, take a hit, relax. God's messages can be a total trip. But you know you have to do what he tells you, eh, 'cause God has a plan for all of us. A painful, painful plan. | „ |
| - Jesús Cristo |
Jesús Cristo is a student at Clone High High School and a clone of the legendary religious figure, Jesus of Nazareth. He is a Hispanic guy who acts like a typical cholo archetype. He first appeared in "Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand". He is voiced by Jeffrey Garcia.
Biography
Overview
Jesús Cristo is a recurrent minor character that rarely interacts with the plot and can be seen mostly in the background of various episodes. His only speaking role was in S01:E03, where he gave Joan of Arc advise on dealing with visions sent by God and later in the episode he was shocked to hear that a guy called Jerome hooked up with a girl named Lupe.
Season 1
In "Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand", he attends JFK's party and later hides like everybody else when the Sheriff arrives.
In "A.D.D.: the Last D is for Disorder", Jesus was working in woodshop, when Joan asked him what he knew about the original Jean D'arc. Jesus said he saw a movie about her and explained that she heard religious voices, and got burned at the stake. Joan said that she was hearing religious voices and didn't know what to do. Jesus told her to follow them because God has a painful plan for everyone. He then accidentally impaled his hand with a nail gun. He was later seen in the audience, when Joan found out that her voices were just her braces picking up on a Christian radio station. However, he was more shocked to hear that Jerome had hooked up with Lupe.
In "Film Fest: Tears of a Clone", he was in the audience of the film fest.
In "Sleep of Faith: La Ru D'Awakening", he was cheering at the starting line of Abe and JFK's drag race.
In "Raisin the Stakes: A Rock Opera in Three Acts", he was in JFK's Van, smoking Raisins.
In "Litter Kills: Litterally", he attended Ponce's funeral.
In "Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale", he was in the meat locker, being frozen.
Season 2
In "Let's Try This Again", he was defrosted after 20 years and went back to school like nothing happened. He walked a mile in someone else's shoes during gym.
In "Anxious Times at Clone High", he can be seen playing tetherball with Geronimo and Malcolm X.
In "Some Talking but Mostly Songs", he was playing basketball during the song "White Guy Confidence".
In "Clone Alone", he was sent to the Death Maze with the other clones and ultimately failed after being sabotaged by Joan.
Appearance
Jesús is a clone of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Unlike the original Jesus, however, he is depicted as Hispanic probably due to the fact that "Jesús" is a common Hispanic boys' name. He wears a halo on his head and a black beanie cap, along with a blue jacket.
Personality
Jesús is extremely pious and is never shy about bringing religion and God into the conversation. He tries to live up to his clone-father by obeying the word of his grandfather. This causes him to do ridiculous things, just because he thinks God tells him to do so. Jesús is obsessed with the religion built around his clone-father, but still shows how much of a typical high school kid he is by watching movies about historic Christian figures, instead of reading the Bible. Interpersonally, he is a nice and respectful individual and doesn't discriminate or look down on others.
Episode Appearances
- Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand
- A.D.D.: the Last D is for Disorder
- Film Fest: Tears of a Clone (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Sleep of Faith: La Ru D'Awakening (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Raisin the Stakes: A Rock Opera in Three Acts (Cameo)
- Litter Kills: Litterally (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Let's Try This Again
- Anxious Times at Clone High (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Some Talking but Mostly Songs (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Clone Alone (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Blinded With Pseudoscience: Magnetic Distractions (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Bible Humpers: A Much Needed Praycation
- The Principal Principle: Sub Zero to Sub Hero
- Money Can Buy Me Love: Stupid Is as Cupid Does (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Go Yell It on the Mountain: Snow Way Out
- Cyranos: A Portmant-Opus (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Cloney Island: Twist! (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- The Cloniest Place on Earth: Missile While You Work (Non-Speaking Cameo)
Trivia
- His name is Spanish for Jesus Christ, and the other characters will call him by the Spanish pronunciation.
- He's part of the woodshop class, in reference to Jesus Christ being a carpenter.
- He also impaled his hand with a nail gun, in reference to Jesus' crucifixion.
- In "Raisin the Stakes: A Rock Opera in Three Acts", a lot of messianic symbolism was used, on Abe Lincoln, in reference to the original Jesus Christ.
- In "Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale", Jesús is shown getting frozen twice. This was likely just an animation error.
- In "The Principal Principle: Sub Zero to Sub Hero", it is revealed that he has the power to turn water to wine just like his clone father.