The Truth Wears Sideburns

The Truth Wears Sideburns is a bizarre independent art-film, made by Joan of Arc in "Film Fest: Tears of a Clone". The movie stars Joan of Arc and her relationship with a thinly-veiled insert of Abe Lincoln, named "Gabe".

Cast[]

The Truth Wears Sideburns has many symbolic and metaphorical references to Joan's love for Abe. Only one person understood the film.

The title refers to Abe's sideburns.
Joan saying, "Whisper, whisper. Hush, hush" resembles how she keeps her love for Abe secret.
The pocket watch indicates time is passing.
The cherry pie rotting and turning into maggots could be a reference to Joan's virgin reproductive system going 'unutilized'.
The dead bird at the picnic could mean a number of things, such as a poisonous environment or a romantic picnic that never happened.
"Céline Dion-a-thon, Céline Dion-a-thon" may refer various love songs that Joan has listened to in thinking about Abe or feeling sorry for her situation.
The top hat blowing in the wind in front of an Egyptian setting symbolizes Abe losing his identity to Cleo.
The cherry pie is restored and turns into a rose, which soon bursts into flames. This could resemble Cleo's reproductive system, getting fertilized by Abe. The bursting into flames suggest some kind of negative outcome of their intercourse.
Joan's coughing could resemble her love sickness.
The bag pipe and steaming kettle symbolize Abe's scrotum and ejaculating penis.
Slapping the watermelon is a refernce to either Abe playfully slapping Cleo's ass, or her boob. The high-pitch of the slapping sound, indicates how the watermelon isn't ripe, or how Cleo's not a virgin.